Story of My Life

Story of My Life

I remember the days when I was full of doubts and full of fears. It was in my puberty days. Somehow I was a scared to be what i really am, I was scared off others people opinion. I don't know why, maybe because the society made me so, but it can also be because I was actually always really sensible human being, but aren't we all. But for past 8 months something happened, I changed. As a kid I always followed my hearth, I think because of the age of 20. Maybe because of that people were talking that I was a bit weird, even my parents wasn't able to understand me, even my mother said to me that I was always weird. I don't know it was at that time my decision. There was always that little voice within myself that I followed. I wasn't so much aware of that voice, but I was following him. Even when I fight with my parents my, when they yell at me, somehow my voice always knew the answer on everything they said. Somehow I never wanted to do what others were excepting out of me, somehow I just wanted to do what I wish to do. Somehow every time when my parents tried to prohibit something to me, never the less I was doing it. I felt that no one should be able to forbid me something that I was free, that there is world full of opportunities out there and that they are waiting only for me. Even tho I come from the place where almost all people are living from they past I somehow always dreamed about better life. I was somehow always different I always tried to watch on the positive aspect of life. But somehow I lost myself. When I started to live alone, when I really far away from home and when I started to take care about myself I lose'd myself. But why ? Because of the fear of the other people opinions, because i allowed that they opinions are my opinions, because I was afraid, because to live alone you need a job so you can pay bills. And what did I get from it ? Nothing. I was having my inner peace until the age of 20 and then I become blind. I forgot on the inner voice. I started to hate myself but not only myself I started to hate everything that walks on two feats. I lived for like 8-9 years in hate. I was already extreme, one can say hard core. When I love, I loved with all my hearth but also when I hated, I hated with all my hearth, it was always extreme, I didn't know for middle. Because I lose'd myself, I started in those days to think negative and also that was really extreme. I was fulling myself. I was saying to myself that I'm thinking negative so I can be ready when the negative comes upon me. And really it did come. But one can never be ready for all that bad thoughts. What happened then ? I fell down on the bottom in to the dark hole one could say. In those moments I thought that there is no way out. In that hole I found enormous mental and physical pain. But because I was always sensible, and because I was never afraid of my feelings when its hard I was already ready to cry. And I did cry A LOT. Crying and pushing trough that pain I was not aware that in those moments I was actually healing myself. In one moment, I heard one more time that voice from within myself, that tiny little voice that I was following when I was adolescent. He whispered to me that I should not be afraid, that he will show me the way, that I should follow only him no matter what. He showed me the way, he learned me how to control my thoughts, how to think positive one more time, how to control my feelings, how to be aware of my feelings, how to simulate my feelings, how to bound my feelings with my thoughts, he made me self conscious one more time, he gave me my inner peace ( the best feeling in the world ). In that whole I made a decision, that I'm going to follow that voice until the end of my life, because somehow my inner peace became the most important thing in my life. We are talking these days a lot, somehow he knows the answers on every question I ask, somehow he became my best friend. Somehow I get in love with him. Somehow I'm feeling these days like a 15 year old boy. Somehow I found myself and I decided to never lose my self, somehow I take the control over my body and every day I'm more and more happier. Thanks for reading and if you enjoyed it, take in consideration to subscribe.