When Feelings Die

When Feelings Die

I don’t know is it a real way of living or is it not but I do know that I should not show feelings to other human beings. The thing is that more I live that way less I feel. I don’t know why is it so but the only thing I am able to feel are those words within, and only when I transform the words from within in to reality I can honestly say that I feel. Even when I look at myself in to the mirror everything changed, my life changed. Its like I am looking an unknown person, someone else, someone I do not know yet. The face is ice cold, there is not even a tiny little piece of emotion on it and the look is not bad but it is ice cold, like everything is not important and like something within me woke up, some demon I didn't even know that lies deep within me. Probably I became so because I started to live the truth, stopped to avoid the truth and become a truth. As such I am seeing everything, not only around me but also in me. The thing is that sometimes I get in situations where others are trying to make me lose the control but the thing is that in those moments I am aware of the situation and I hug my control even more. Yes I know that they are trying to needle me with all those negative words but they get destroyed trough the power of the positive words which I give back. I am not I. I became we. Ego is not so strong as before but sometimes I am aware that he wish to come on the surface. The thing is when it wish to come on the surface I let it out because the Ego is nothing else then defense mechanism even tho the bad one. The thing is that most important thing became to prevail the harmony within me, to have that inner peace and always have it, to never let it go. I know, it is simple but also hard, because all simple things are hard, maybe it is the way it should be, but I am fine with it because I know that those inner fights are always worth fighting because when I win against it I become better human being or I could say I am becoming because in those moments when I win against myself I become something else, the better version of myself. When feelings die you know that you accomplished to take the control over your feelings and that you are purposely using your feeling for the purpose which is only yours and for which you breathe. Its about that ice cold look which people do not like, but who cares, I do. It was hard I do not wish to lie but I wish to admit, it was hard to learn it, to learn it how to not be afraid of other people opinions. You know when you don’t care what others think about you your reached a dangerous level of freedom because you allow to yourself to be what you really are. I know what I am at this moment but I also know what is it that I wish to become in the future. The future always needs to looks shiny, to be bigger then you are at this moment because only when the future is bigger then you are at this moment there is a possibility that you are going to become that shiny future. No matter what you wish to achieve in your life or out of your life everything starts with the action. The actions is the beginning of everything and no matter how big your goals or even dreams are without the action they are always going to be nothing else then the goals or dreams. So my friend, I know what I wish to be and what I wish to become and to be ice cold is just a start of the journey. The journey is painful and I will experience much disappointments but not in someone else but in me, but in those disappointments I am going to arise, going to become a better, going to become one point close to become what I wish to be. Its about self mastery, its about consciously being aware of every action you do so you can chose what action is the best one for you in that particular moment. Or I could say, everything said is nothing else then living in the moment and seizing the moment the best way as you can because only when you are seizing every moment the best way you know or you can, only as such you are able to achieve everything you ever wanted.